Limbo with WiFi
The talking stage is that pre-relationship phase where there's already a daily conversation, good-morning texts, shared memes, even jealousy — but no commitment, no label, and no certainty. You're not friends. You're not a couple. You're "talking."
This phase used to last two weeks and got settled over a single date. Now it can last months, play out across three apps at once, and end without anyone saying a word — one day the other person just stops replying and that's that.
Why it drains you so much
- Constant ambiguity: your mind burns energy trying to classify something that has no classification. Do they like me? Are they just bored? Are they talking to other people?
- Investment with no guarantee: you put real time and attention into something that can vanish without explanation.
- Multiplicity: if you're in several talking stages at once (totally normal these days), the mental load multiplies: who said what, who you told what, who you made plans with.
How to move through it with clarity
1. Set yourself a horizon. You don't need an ultimatum, but you do need an internal marker: "if in a month this is still exactly the same, I already have my answer." Endless ambiguity is an answer too.
2. Track what you feel, not what you're promised. Words in a chat are cheap. What matters is how your body feels after each interaction. If talking to that person leaves you more anxious than happy, that's data — and data gets written down, because memory erases it.
3. Don't compare promises, compare consistency. In the talking stage everyone is charming. The difference is in who shows up: who asks how your day went, who suggests a concrete plan, who's the same on a gray Tuesday as on a Saturday night.
4. Keep a record if there are several. It's not coldness, it's honesty: if you're getting to know three people, your memory will blur the conversations and your anxiety will inflate the one who's worst for you. A simple record — how I felt, what I noticed, what didn't sit right — gives back the perspective the chat takes away.
The exit signal
The talking stage ends in one of two ways: it moves forward or it evaporates. Both are fine. The only thing that's wrong is staying six months in limbo, spending emotional energy on something your own records already showed you isn't going anywhere. Reread what you wrote down a month ago: if it says the same thing as today, there's your answer.
TuCora is the private record for exactly this phase: you add the people you're getting to know, note how you feel after each interaction, flag warning signs, and see the patterns in your own data. All encrypted on your phone.